find out what we're made of

In my haste of the last post, I forgot to realize exactly who I am. And really what life is about. It's not about the constant happiness. We need sadness in our lives to make us realize and appreciate what happiness truly is. We also need a bit of complacency too. It's hard to understand that in our lives, but I think growing up is about that.

Doesn't make it any easier.

Especially with the environments we're in. It's a world, and it's so complex, and beautiful, but at the same time it's a harsh and painful place. Our hearts and our minds are always conflicting with one another, and then we have what society perceives what we should be doing and how we should be feeling.

It's all complicated. But it's life, and we have to love it right?

Yesterday, I got a call from my Grammy down in the states, and I was told that my Grambo (great grandmother, who is a beast like Rambo) passed away. She had cancer and decided not to tell anyone. I wasn't as close with her like I was with my Nana, but I still loved her and knew her.

I was born into this world with 4 grandparents, and 4 great-grandparents. 8 amazing people who I love with all of my heart. I knew and know every one of them too. I love them, and they all raised me. I have 3 left now. While my Papaw may not be my birth-grandfather. And instead he's legally a step-grandpa, I don't care. I love him, and he makes my Grammy so happy. He's forever one of my grandparents.

Being left with 3 out of 8 is just... it hurts.

Especially since today makes it two months since I lost my Nana.

But I have amazing things in my life. My best friend Melissa, who is now called my heterolifemate! My twins Sara Heans who gave birth to the most special boy in the world, and Simon who is my British-self just being a boy instead. Then all of my other amazing friends. Andie, Caitlyn, Johna, Amelia, Julie, Holly, Jon, Aricca, Sarahx2, and David. Then on top of that I have the big man - Poppa. I love him more than I ever thought possible. I've got the crazy cats in this house, especially my Joplin, who wakes me up by laying on my face. I love all of these people, so fucking much. They mean so fucking much to me.